I'm here, in my room, in my bed, in my head.
I'm a timeophile. The clocks are ticking. all eight of them.
On my wrist, on my neck, on the wall, on the desk and in my head.
Seconds passing by, hours, days, weeks and years.
I'm still here.
In my room, in my bed, in my fucking head.
It's Saturday night.
I'm smoking another cigarette, leaving another empty pack.
The clocks are ticking and I seriously can't hear it anymore. Can't turn 'em off either and can't throw 'em out.
So I'm wearing headphones, click play and drift away. Let the ticking drown and leave me for a while 'til my ears are in pain.
"Can't you see you're waiting for something? What are you waiting for?"
I don't know. I wish I did, I really do.
All I know is that I'm so sick of waiting. I'm sick of counting days, sick of playing with all of these endless numbers.
I need someone as fucked up as me, maybe more than me or less.
So I'll feel comfortable being myself around her without worrying she'll think I'm freak.
In fact, I don't mind her thinking I'm a freak as long as she understands it since she's not that different.
Even though I'm annonymous here and even though it's behind a computer, even though my fuckin' blog isn't popular at all, I'm still shy.
I'm still ashamed of myself. Still worried about what people will think of me while reading this post.
Well, that's why I'm writing in English, that'll keep away at least most of my readers if not all of them.
I wonder if there's a person out there, anywhere in the world, who wants to meet a person like me.
Dispite my flaws, genuinely wants to get to know someone like me.
I don't think so.
I mean, I wouldn't want to get to know a person excatly like me. I'm a real pain in the ass, you know..
I'm not fun at all.
But one thing I'm sure of,
I'm lonely.
I know it sounds pathetic, I'm not whining or anything, just saying.
Please spare me the "Aw you're not alone." comments, a person can feel lonely among people.
Even if I have friends or whatever, I still feel that way. 'Cause I'm not comfortable with them.
I know it's all in my head, if I didn't think I'm such a weirdo, I would've felt comfortable with anyone since I wouldn't be worrying all the time about them judging every move I make.
Fuck it, I'm just talking nonsense since I had nothing to write about, don't mind me.
I'll be here, ain't going nowhere.
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