New story. Chapter 1.
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“What a splendid day to die”, he said, and opened his eyes. He was lying on his bed, tucked deep under the sheets. He felt his pillow. Wet. Probably from all the crying last night, and the nights before.
He was never such a sentimental man, one that cries himself to sleep, one that wishes he could die as the first thing on his morning schedule. But she changed him. She made him like that. He always tried to remind himself of that fact, but was unsuccessful. Still his heart craved for her, no matter what he would do.
“Another day”, he sighed, and got up. There was plenty to do today. He had a final algebra exam today. Every other classmate was nervous as hell, but not he. It wasn’t that he was a Math genius- it just didn’t excite him at all. Come to think of that, nothing excited him lately. Nothing but her. He’ll do okay, he guessed. School was never too much of a problem.
He greeted his folks in a somewhat somber “Morning,” and turned to his cereal breakfast. He didn’t have any appetite, but he knew he should eat. “Even when you’re depressed, don’t forget nutrition” his friend kept reminding him. He was going through a hard time with love as well, according to him. He smiled and nodded to the sound of that, but inside he knew well his friend had no idea of what he was going through.
Love is hard, he knew, but not all that complicated like in his case. When you fall in love, it’s usually with a person you know. It wasn’t like that in his case. He fell in love with a person he had never met before. He only saw her in a show, once. “Teen fantasy”, someone said. It wasn’t like that at all. He knew there was something deeper in there, something he could only interpret as love. Even though he had never met her, each time he looked into those green emeralds of hers, he knew it was love.
“Good luck on the exam today!”, his mother said. “Ah, thanks”, he replied, picked up his backpack and left. On the short way from his house to the bus stop, someone uttered “freak!” towards him. He had about a million replies to answer, all of them revolving around the issue of that person being extremely dumb, but he didn’t have the power to say something, so he just kept walking. Maybe someday someone would explain to him exactly who is considered a freak and who is not. It wasn’t up to him, anyhow.
The wheels of the bus kept spinning, and he gazed outside with earphones plugged into his ears, like everyday. Just as his favorite mellow tune came on the music player, he past by her house. It was unseen from the road, hidden behind a bunch of other houses, but he knew it was there. That was where his heart craved to be so much in the last month, and that was where his feet led him time and time again when he wandered thoughtlessly. It wasn’t like he had the time to do that, but the need to be there was stronger than him. He didn’t really know why he went there time and time again. It wasn’t like he was visiting her every time… Again, she never even met him. Maybe he just hoped to run into her again, like that time, at the park by her house. It was so swift and brisk, that she didn’t even notice he was there. She probably missed the chilling shivering he felt at the moment they past by one another, as well. It didn’t make him happy, that moment. Actually, it even saddened him more. But he wished for it to happen again. Maybe because it was the first time they were a hand reach away from one another.
With all those thoughts running through his head, he nearly missed his stop. At the last second he rang the bell, and the bus driver braked, upset by the need to stop at one more stop instead of keeping on driving like a madman in the streets of the city. He made an apologizing gesture with his hand, one that seemed to only anger the driver more than to please him, and got off the bus. Beside him, students were making their way to school. Such an urban structure was that school. So uninviting. He didn’t like that school all too much. His friends, the people he could still call friends, weren’t there. Sure he met some good people in his four years there, but he couldn’t call any of them true friends.
“What’s up, bro?” said one of them as he entered the class. “I’m okay”, he lied. None of them knew he was depressed lately. Even if some felt it, he didn’t bother telling them why. It’s not like it interested them or anything.
He was just another variable in this equation.
The day crawled on and on, and by the time he got to the fourth period, the time for the algebra final, he was so tired and weak he nearly fell asleep. That couldn’t have been said on the rest of his classmates. Every one of them was running around in circles, as if praying for salvation from God. Others were constantly talking about the test, the possibility of one or another question from the book to appear in it, and how much points would the equation worth. “Great, just what I needed”, he said to himself. On top of all the emotional load he’s been carrying around in the past month, now they were excruciating him with their worried voices.
The teacher entered the class. “Not to worry, not to worry… I am sure each and every one of you is well prepared for this test”. If it was still possible in that stage, his words made the class even more horrified. “It’s ironic that the best class is the most worried one”, he thought.
He got the paper, and looked upon the questions. Nothing seemed to come together in his head. The letters swirled in his head, forming a shape of a face. Hers. He stared in those emeralds again. He didn’t know how much time he’s been doing that until the teacher declared: “15 minutes to finish!”. He snapped back from his coma and started answering the questions. Fortunately, he managed to complete the test in time.
He waited for the bus to come in the scorching sun. It was so hot today, he thought he could melt. Just like the wicked witch of the west melted when they poured water on her. Remembering her part in the play made him happy, and made time pass a bit faster. They were so weird, these mood changes. At one time he was depressed and wished he could sleep forever, and at some brief moments he was happy and blissful. It all began and ended in her. She was the cause. The reason for all of this.
The bus came, and the same process from the morning was repeated. Earphones, music player, mellow tunes, passing by her house. Lately, he felt like it just became a routine. This routine made him tired and weary.
“Home at last”, he said in his heart. Truth was that even at home he couldn’t find rest for himself.
Sitting by the computer he began pondering in all sorts of depressing issues. Well, “all sorts of” wasn’t really correct. There was only one subject he pondered about. As Opeth’s “Damnation” played in the background, his eyes filled with tears yet again, like they so often did in the previous month. The last 30 days were probably the hardest he’s been going through in his entire life, but no one seemed to care or offer a helping hand. That was his feeling, anyways.
He sighed and sank into the desk, falling into dark places in his mind again.
“Another day”, he said.
בבלוג זה
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