Thoughts of No Significant Relevance

A Work in Progress

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 01:09:00 +0200

In a lifetime of haze I guess you keep returning To the places that feel clear And there�s nothing colder than the touch of reason With so many rails Some are bound to get lost And though it seems all chaotic We always end up on the right train somehow

Some sort of understanding

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 03:59:00 +0200

I no longer crave for tears to be shed. Crying, as it turned out, is our body�s way of releasing these loads of negative energy away, making it all better. And I found that�s what�s fucked up with me. Maybe I don�t wanna feel better. Maybe I�m an eternal sufferer. Maybe I keep being miserable not because life has frowned upon me, but because I�m just this type of person. I used to think it was love that put me through all of these miseries. Yet love has been absent from my life for a quite a while now, and yet I still feel extremely empty inside. And, after digging deep down inside, trying to fish out some consciously unknown cause to all of this, I reached the conclusion that there isn�t one. I�ve no reason to be miserable. So that�s when I figured out that maybe something�s just wrong with me. Maybe, through pain and suffering which I refuse to show on the outside and deal with, I receive satisfaction of some sort. I wonder if that�s really fucked up. It pr

One Year From Now...

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 03:56:00 +0200

Will I arrive?I think I have.I can't belive it's been a whole year since... One whole year.Wow.

Closure

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:37:00 +0200

So here it is. The final letter, delivered as promised. So much has changed since. I changed. So, so very much. This one comes out after I came to terms with the end of all of this... Boy, was that a hard process.This day is so symbolic. It's been cloudy today, and the skies were really grey. Then, out of nowhere, shone a rainbow. A rainbow with a background of dark grey skies... Just like that little picture above, that really described what you meant for me.Today is also special for another reason. Today you turned 18. And it was, unimaginabley hard for me to realize that I'm not a part of your celebration. Even though I know I don't know you, I felt like this birthday was really special for you. God, did I want to be there. And it's weird, as I didn't have a single thought about you in the last month. Then suddenly this date comes up, and I'm swarmed with all those feelings I thought I overcame.But it doesn't matter. It's gonna be over, reall soon. Today marked the start of a countd

Of Down's Cancellation

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 14:16:00 +0200

It seems as if nothing good can happen in this country. Just when you thought you were going to see one of your favorite acts in the world today, it all blows in your face and once again you find that it's not gonna happen. For me, that's the third show I had a ticket to that got cancelled in the last 3 years. On the other hand, those other cancellations actually prepared me to this, so I'm not really pissed off- I just feel utterly disappointed like I felt last time.It just makes me sadder, looking at fans' replies to the cancellation... There are so many fans that are such die-hard Phil Anselmo fans, and it's so sad to see they're not gonna get to see their hero live in their country.Man, now I'm really pasimistic about the metalfest. Even if it would happen, eventually, Opeth's probably gonna cancel due to another childish disease Mikael's gonna be infected with.Fuck it. Fuck it all

In Retrospect

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:02:00 +0200

I've been doing a little re-reading of all those posts I've written here for you, and man... I think I can honestly say that I'm in a different place now, bot mind-wise, and more importantly, heart-wise. It's not even that I'm not waiting for a reply anymore, I'm not waiting for you. I finally, finally finally finally understand it won't happen. So sad to admit it, really, as you were the first love of my life. The hardest thing to do is to actually put you behind, to erase every trace of you from my life. I'm constantly worried that even if I'd decide to forget you, the day would come and thoughts of you would return. I'm still worried that I am not emotionally capable of putting you behind.But maybe... Maybe it's the nature of these things. Maybe you're not supposed to completly forget the ones you love, and maybe you'd always have emotions for them. But is it a good enough reason to linger in the past, trying to achieve the unreachable? Unfortunately, I think not.I made a mistake ea

Umm

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:44:00 +0200

I just have to channel this somewhere, and this seems the best place: Heath Ledger is a fucking LEGEND. If you haven't seen The Dark Knight yet, you must. You must, you must, you must. His performance is just incredible. I'm not saying it's the same level as Jacky's, but bah gawd it came really close. He's a fucking nutjob, but in the good sense :) Anyways, if he doesn't get an oscar, it'd be a real fucking shame. Go see it already, you bastards! Cya

Breaking Point

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:04:00 +0200

Chapter two. - �So, how did you do on your test yesterday?� asked one of the few people he could still call a friend. It was an unusually cool night, very rare for this time of the year, and especially rare in that desert of a country. �Okay, I guess� he said, in an empty voice. �It doesn�t sound like it went good�� started his friend, but he was wrong from the beginning. The test was definitely not the reason for the emptiness in his voice. �Don�t tell me you�re still stuck on her, man� I thought we�ve went through this enough� It just won�t happen. She�s a year plus older than you, she�s in a different school, your social chains don�t have any links in common, and, on top of that, you haven�t even met her! You haven�t even met her, man. Think of that�. Spirit-lifting as always, he cynically remarked in his heart. But his friend didn�t deserve that treatment, so instead he smiled and said, �Well, I guess you�re right�, as he did every time the subject would come up recently. That

Another Day

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:11:00 +0200

New story. Chapter 1. - - - �What a splendid day to die�, he said, and opened his eyes. He was lying on his bed, tucked deep under the sheets. He felt his pillow. Wet. Probably from all the crying last night, and the nights before. He was never such a sentimental man, one that cries himself to sleep, one that wishes he could die as the first thing on his morning schedule. But she changed him. She made him like that. He always tried to remind himself of that fact, but was unsuccessful. Still his heart craved for her, no matter what he would do. �Another day�, he sighed, and got up. There was plenty to do today. He had a final algebra exam today. Every other classmate was nervous as hell, but not he. It wasn�t that he was a Math genius- it just didn�t excite him at all. Come to think of that, nothing excited him lately. Nothing but her. He�ll do okay, he guessed. School was never too much of a problem. He greeted his folks in a somewhat somber �Morning,� and turned to his cereal bre

Clairvoyance

neotype100@walla.co.il (Tree Of Porcupines) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 15:00:00 +0200

Read with: Opeth- Harvest It's hard for me to comprehend this, but I think it's happening, or about to happen. I think I'm finally starting to understand that no answer will come, no matter how hard I wish one would. Maybe just now, at last, I finally understand what I needed to understand a month ago, when all ofthis started. I now understand that you are, after all, just a human being. Just like everyone else. No matter how fierce was my idolizationof you. And, as a human, you reacted like one should. I try to think of me, and how I would have reacted to such a letter. I probably would have thought it was either a joke, or truly some obsessive person I want nothing to do with. It is okay- after all, it's the logical thing to do. Now that I see that, I am so sorry I sent that letter. There had to be a better way. The thing is, with obsessive love, you tend to see things in a certain way, and that way only. And all I knew at that momentwas that this letter was the right way to go