I don't know what to think anymore. it's not the first time I'm being ditched, and probably not the last. my before last post was about ditching. last week I was ditched from going to the beach but then I went with Danielle, and then on Thursday, after me and Danielle talked about it for good two weeks, after I called her, to ask when to come over so we can go together to the white night, she said that Nofar will be there too and she prefares to go with her.
with the frequency it happens, I start to think that I'll never be enough. that I'll only be that girl that it's nice to be with if you happen to be the same place as her, and even call or text in the middle of the night cause you feel bad, but not the girl you like to go out with, have fun.
I don't want to be cockey, but yeah, I'm not like other people. I'm fucking smart and I try to understand every situation to its core when it comes to things like religion or sexual orientation. when you except things just cause they happen, I ask myself why and probably think about it for a good week. but the bad thing about being me, is that I don't know how to be all up for boys, how to gossip about him or her and what they've done, how to see a guy in the street and think that he's hot. I don't really understand the whole buzz about boys, and maybe that's why I don't really attract guys (people think you get hit on cause you're hot, but it's probably cause you're confident and have something pretty or sexy in your body).
so yeah, I'm the weird girl sometimes and I get it a lot (and it hurts. so bad.), but I'm a deep person and that will probably get me a point or two in my future.
"hey guys, I'm gay"
no, I'm not. BUT, it'd matter it you, wouldn't it?
when people read this mini head line, some liked me more, some liked me less. and it's perfectly normal to be so. my theory is that humans don't like gay people, or even hate them (shit, I even hate to use the word "them". but I'll get to that later) not because that's what they've learned. okay, maybe a little. but it only increased the inconvenience around them. my theory is that biologicly we don't like people that aren't straight because biologicly, it'd threaten our offsprings. see, if you're gay, it means you can't bring more humans to the world, and we're programmed to have as many babies as possible. that's why we have orgasms, so we'll like to have sex and have more babies.
when a person is biologicly dammeged (shut up, I'm not insulting gay people, I'm stating a fact), our brain would want us to back away and not to be close to this person so we won't have sex with him or her and have another potentially biologicly damaged person. by the way, this is why a lot of people are having trouble to be around retard people.
it's okay to not like people that arn't straight, it's not your fault. but it is NOT okay to hate them and treat them differently. both good and bad. I think, for example, that the whole pride parade thing is stupid and makes people think that gay people are all about nudism and sex in public. I mean, seriously? why the fuck are you wearing only mini ubderwear and hills? the pride isn't pride of your body, it's about sexuallity. and why are you proud of your sexuallity? why don't straight people have their own parade?
why? because it doesn't matter. sexuallity doesn't matter unless you make it matter, in this type of social community we have today. sure, a lot of people don't like gay people, but a lot also hide it or overcome it, like I did. sexuallity doesn't matter, just like your skin colour. you make it matter only when you THINK it matters.
(I think I just had a whole confused idea here..)
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