My Whole Thought.

Such

disappointment.

I was about to cry in front of her,

what a shame.

what a disappointment.

I'm losing control.

I've never felt such.. lifeless.

I've ruined her in my own hands.

And there's nothing to do.

Feel such pity for all of us,

for being stuck

just because of me.

Sadness is taking over me.

And even the darkness

can't get away the sorrow

as it does to light.

People always try to change.

We seem to try to get into some kind of a perfect-whole-personality or some kind of bluf,

and then we wanna die for failing doing it.

Dont want to be stuck, either.

Don't know what I try to see or feel or whatever

it's just about to happen.

I've got no hopes for the following year,

not even an optimistic description.

Sometimes,

all I want to do is vanish,

so that I won't deal with the looks and the why's

and the 'have you lost your mind' thing.

Can't get away from this world, either.

it's too hard.

She gave me some kind of hope,

that I can do it MY way,

without considering others so much.

holding hands, we fall.

Embarrassment is not the only reson for this resistance.

It's just that you work so hard to be invisible,

that you can't ruin it by seeing others.

I have to deal with these freaky  weeks,

till nightmare to come.

I've never wanted NOT to be in some place in my life.

Always far away,

and always depressed,

and when she speaks about beauty and stuff.

I feel like it's too sticky.

Don't want to see 'em, don't think I'm able to deal with it.