My Whole Thought.

Oh, well.

As if I didn't know it was coming.

I want to see their faces, when they'll see me.

I know I hate them, and every little thing that reminds me of them,

but I've got to do it.

I feel so.. vivacious.

I can't explain it so well, and I'm so afraid from it.

I have to remind myself that it's only another two years.

And then another two.

And then another one to arrange myself.

 so in the end I come to an endless maze.

I don't want to sink.

You see, I don't have a life preserver.

And I can't swim, either.

-

When you come to a place, when you don't care about all THESE stuff so much,

You become more mature.

But when you come to a place when it ends so peacefully, you are wrong.

What will I do?

-

My mind is not such a safe place after all.

Here it comes, with all of them, with another material, with more anxious.

I won't sink.

She didn't even believe that those were the words, coming out of my mouth.

And I was so sure that she wouldn't understand, that I've given up any full description,

Any real emotion, that its appearance was so needed.

And I haven't even tried to convince.

I'm full of thoughts,of anxiety which I'm sure that won't pass away,

for at least ten years.

I had a protector. But he's lost somewhere.

Just like me.

I hate this narrow-minded quality, that doen't even allow me to try things in a different way.

 Feeling this anguish is not what you mean to feel, after seeing a proper man.

He was so right, so calm, so.. him. That I don't know wheter I'll have a will to find.. another one.

They'll see the change right away, since I'm sure I won't be able to control myself.

And that's the whole true-

I hate them. hate their country. hate their stupid minds. hate their smiles.

Hate their culture.

And, as you can see, I don't even include myself as a part of them.

and only one person knows the feeling.. of shame.

I don't want to stay here.

when one doesn't seem to see the point of life,

the light in the end,

what is left to say?

It happened to be so complicated,

that we've all given up so quick.

...But what if we can fix it, or infer the right consequences

All by ourselves.

I'm all but peaceful.

~

We've scorched, and we've splited, and we have had anything but ourselves.

But we want more. because we deserve it.

 Because we, so to speak, EARN it. we've earned it all.

And that point makes the difference.

Because we haven't earned it.

And we've been killing so many souls, that interrupted our wills.

We are much worse than the animals,

and you know why? because we DON'T have any excuse. Any excuse at all.

~

I don't know what I should feel. I feel so hurt, and so angry.

It's like the plan is always in the backgroung,

But I can't do nothing at all, as for now, to recruit myself to it.

I'm not giving up so easily, though.

 So I'll just need to await. and be prepared.

And die every time. again and again.

But that's all right,

After all I AM a human.