My Whole Thought.

Today.

I was actually falling.

I was standing against them, trying to lit their eyes,

and they haven't even listened to me.

And the hits just came, and I can't to the right things,

falling every time.

And then it doesn't even feel bad,

to imagine your will.

Because it may not seem as a good enough reason to kill yourself,

but I don't think I have the strenght to stay around so much time.

I'm exhausted.

And what is this life, anyway? just a bunch of moments gathered together,

creating your past.

I hate trying to explain it, this WORTHLESS which seems the right word for what I feel.

We are addicted so something which is so far from us,

that we are willing to lose our minds,

trying to get it.

I've lost mine already.

Sometimes, I don't even know if I should wait,

because after I find it,

Life will start, taking me over.

They exhaust us,

and how come I'm the only one who isn't going to miss anyone.

These 3 years were the worst thing that have ever happened to me,

and I won't miss anything.

And yet, they keep trying to gather us,

as if we need it.

Dreams are the only solution to know what your wills are.

I barely know mine.

I want to change, so much.

But when I think the sacrifice.

I can never be tied up to anything except one.

And I cannot lose my freedom.

Behave well, behave nicely.

They won't stay alive so long.

It's so funny, isn't it?

How almost everything is circled by death.

It feels so weird.

I read all these sad posts, trying to connect one with the other,

trying to see how different I am,

and failing it.

Because I may have done some progress,

but I'm as damn sad as I used to be.

And sometimes.

I feel like dying.

Just because I can't stand letting my life start, letting this happen.

I'm getting closer to the end, getting closer to you.

If you could only feel the pain I  do. Every day. trying to be normal,

All this stupid pain just for

willing to see you.

How could I ever thought of missing someone,

 determined to just feel it.

Hiding behide these books and movied and all these masks.

Just because I want,

just for willing for you to come.

I don't want to change, but sometimes you can't stand this pain.

So I try.