The gods will give

sometimes, when everything ,everyone
is silent you let your gard down
you let yourself feel
and as your own feelings rize up to smuther you in shame
you realize, painfully,stuningly
how human and weak you are
how all the things that seemd so meaningless
so fucking stupid
are making you so self-contious
and you feel so ugly
when just an hour ago among freinds
you were pretty,beautiful,strong
and you let yourself fall
searching for the reason
the reason for people leaving you
and everything that seemd right and healthy seems so
horribely distorted


and then you think about them, about all who really matter
you smile
and the monster crawls under the bed to wait for one more night



i never want to be this girl
thin as a stick
and miserabel








i just want to be perfect for me